Staring at a Light Box and Mumbling Offensive Words

I don't have much to say right now. It is late and my eyes are much more comfortable closed than open. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you right now. I don't know why, but you are on my mind. In fact, the thought of you is loud and clear.

A cool breeze is blowing through the 3 inch gap between the window pane and the window sill. It reminds me of the hurt and hate present in the broadside of the board certain school teachers used when they felt my behavior poor enough to warrant whacks on the backside. One of those teachers, God rest his soul, died about 6 years ago.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It said, "Focus on your own damn family."

I preached at a church in West Virginia when I was younger. One day and irate member of the church spoke in clear English: "You are an asshole." I thought that was nice thinking that it was much preferable to be an asshole than a whole ass. But that's just me.

Do these words offend you?

I saw another bumper sticker that read: "Pray the rosary to end abortion." I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that means. Perhaps you can tell me. If you get the chance. Perhaps the rosary will get up and give us a speech or two, or intercede at the throne of God for us, or whisper into the ears of abortion doctors and nurses. Can a rosary have that much power? God would probably settle for people praying: "God is Great, God is good, let us thank Him for our Food. Amen."

I understand why you hurt, but not why you hate. I understand why you want to heal, but not why you want to heave. I understand why you want to create, but not why you want to kill. I understand why you want to live, but not why you want to lie. You are a paradox, and enigma, a mystery. You confound me with your steely eyes, but your soft side is intriguing.

This is the place where no one can make me fit their molds of their expectations. In this world I am free to be free, free to fly, free to fail, free to flip you the bird. But I won't because I know how I feel when someone flips me the bird. I don't like it one bit.

Do these words offend you?

Is there any reason at all to maintain composure? Is there not a time when it is perfectly acceptable to strip down to the naked skin and dance in the rain? Confessions of a closet nudist. I'll bet that shakes you up a bit. I am fully clothed at the moment because there is no rain, and I don't feel like dancing.

I am waiting for the fall, the orange and yellow leaves. I am waiting to go. I am waiting to die. I am waiting to live. I am waiting to try. I am waiting for the day when my taste buds will awaken to the flavor of broccoli and cauliflower. I don't think it will happen anytime soon because I simply cannot bring myself to cram that funk into my gaping hole. Friday's has good broccoli-cheese soup. I like to dip bread in it.

Is it wrong to be melancholy all the time? Do I really have to love those I don't even know? Is it possible that we are all wrong? Is it possible, just possible, that grace is bigger than even we can imagine? Is it possible that when we eat the bread and drink the cup we are eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ? What if we are?

Do these words offend you?

Do these words offend you?

Do these words offend you?

Have you ever wanted to just curse at the top of your lungs? Have you ever hoped that the sadness inside was not really sadness but more like dark yellow mustard? Have you ever had the urge to break something in two and have the magical power to put it back together again so well that no one could tell the difference?

I like to stare out my window in the morning. I write so that I will not sin. I fill my brain all day long and then turn on the faucet at night and wash it all down the drain.

Are you more afraid that someone might hate you or that you might hate someone?

Do these words offend you?

I wish I could heal.