Thursday, September 23, 2004

I'm Ready to Sing

I have a new neighbor. He and his wife just moved in a couple of weeks ago. I have not met them yet.

My new neighbor is a hunter and likes to practice his bow shooting off his back porch. I am not a big fan of this practice but I don’t suppose there is much I will say or can do.

I was amused the other day when I looked into his backyard and saw a new target had been set up behind the rather obvious hay-filled square with tiny circles painted on its surface. The new target is a big brown turkey, the kind you might see in the wild. It is a handsome bird, and quite resembles a real live Tom.

It is rather a strange thing to see this rather strange Styrofoam turkey standing as ‘idle as a painted ship upon a painted ocean’ in my neighbor’s yard. Birds are not lifeless, statues. They are fluid, free and flying. What sort of a bird stands still? (A dead one.) I would guess that such a turkey in the wilderness would be a rather easy target. Give that turkey some real legs and motivation and see how easy of a target it would be!

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I lived in a small town in West Virginia for a while where the main staple of economic life is the Turkey and Chicken business. Our front yard was perpetually white from all the feathers that blew off the truckloads of poultry that rolled by our house at all hours of the night and day. If I had lived in that town a day past when we left I would probably have become a vegetarian. Frankly, it was a sickening thing to see all those birds trapped in steel cages on the back of tractor trailers.

It was bad enough knowing that they were not being taken to a zoo or a nice marshy pond; it was even worse knowing that everyone in town either raised the birds or worked at the slaughterhouse. I am not anti-raising/selling/slaughtering/eating poultry. But it sure was a sad sight to see every day. Even today, although I have sworn off vegetarianism, I still have trouble eating turkey and chicken.

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I drove to Mentor today with the boys. I was distracted and in some sort of trance, I think. I had some errands to run—like, I really needed an eye exam. Happily we drove along the road until we came to the exit required to take us to the appropriate store where we would conduct our business.

We arrived rather quickly at the necessary exit. I blinked my intentions to the cars around and pulled my vehicle into the off ramp lane. I decreased my rate of speed and casually rolled around the cloverleaf exit ramp. At the top of the ramp I brought the vehicle to a stop with a deft use of my right foot. (I pressed the brake pedal.) As I came to a standstill I happened to let my eyes wander forward and upward. As I did I caught glimpse of something hovering in circles some distance away. It was some sort of bird, likely a hawk of some species. I watched for about 15 seconds or so.

I thought to myself that that bird had it made. Flying around up there in the sky, high above all the madness that is life, just enjoying the cool breeze beneath his wings, the bird crystallized, even if for a mere moment, what I long for most in life. He had none of the worries I had. He was not thinking of needing new contact lenses or a new shower curtain. He was not thinking of the light turning green so he could move on to the next one. He just flew and flew.

He was free. His next paycheck was not a concern. He did not have to worry about being on time or late for work. He was free to come and go as he pleased. He did not care about the music I was listening to, or whether or not he had the latest greatest new compact disk. He only concern was simply to fly and be free.

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I had to work in the yard the other day. Trimming weeds one last time. Putting things away. Cleaning gutters. Etc.

I had to take down all the bird feeders and dump out the hummingbird food. I had to prepare the yard and myself for the reality that the birds will gone for several months.

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It is nearly fall—I suspect that today is the first day of fall—and you know what I miss the most? The birds seem to have gone. There are a few left here and there—across the street I have been enjoying a large flock of Canadian Geese—even the Canadian Geese like living in America—but mostly they are gone. I have not seen any hummingbirds recently nor have I seen any goldfinches or orioles. A few cardinals remain at hand, but the robins seem to have flown the coup so to speak. The other day I noticed about a thousand birds sitting on the electrical wires across the street, but I sure couldn’t tell you what kind birds they were. They were birds.

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Funny thing is, I only just noticed today that the birds have been absent. I so enjoy their songs. Maybe I have just tuned them out for a while or maybe I just forgot about them. There have not been too many open window days around the house recently because the temperature has been unbelievably low and I don’t want to turn the furnace on just yet. So, maybe there are birds and I simply have not had the time to notice them; or, maybe they are gone after all.

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Birds have it made. They fly and thus get to enjoy the world from a different perspective. They sing and thus the whole earth is full of their music. They mostly travel with friends and thus show us the benefits of numbers. If I could be any other creature than what I am now, I would choose to be a bird. Not because I would get to fly, but maybe because I would get to perch on an electrical wire and not get shocked; or, better yet, because we have been told that not a sparrow falls to the ground apart from the Father’s knowledge. That’s special. Imagine being such an intricate part of creation, such a cared for species that not a single one falls dead without God knowing it. (Although, I believe I have remarked elsewhere that this undoubtedly means that God spends a good portion of his ‘day’ thinking about death, and marking in His mind all the sparrows that did fall. I am not certain I would like to have that job.)

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I don’t want to rush the fall and winter because I like the cooler weather, but I kind of cannot wait until spring. I can’t wait to get out all the birdfeeders and buy seeds all summer long so I can feed them—as if they need my help to find food. (Remember, they don’t reap or store up in barns and yet they are fed by God.) I cannot wait to hear their songs again. If it is terrible to have to count all those dead birds each day, certainly it must be, at minimum, offset by the songs He hears all year long without ceasing. That is a trade-off I would be willing to take.

I was thinking about birds today while I listened to some music. “They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength…they will soar on wings like eagles…”

It seems that it is always about birds. “All the birds of the sky are singing/you got to understand/Eleutheria.” (Lenny Kravitz)

That’s it. Eleutheria. (It’s a Greek word that means ‘freedom’.)

Freedom. If I said, ‘This is for the birds’ I would be lying.

Eleutheria is for me; and you, if you want it.

That’s what I am trying to say.

I’m ready to—sing. (I’m afraid to fly.)

Friday, September 10, 2004

Staring at a Light Box and Mumbling Offensive Words

I don't have much to say right now. It is late and my eyes are much more comfortable closed than open. I just want you to know that I am thinking of you right now. I don't know why, but you are on my mind. In fact, the thought of you is loud and clear.

A cool breeze is blowing through the 3 inch gap between the window pane and the window sill. It reminds me of the hurt and hate present in the broadside of the board certain school teachers used when they felt my behavior poor enough to warrant whacks on the backside. One of those teachers, God rest his soul, died about 6 years ago.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It said, "Focus on your own damn family."

I preached at a church in West Virginia when I was younger. One day and irate member of the church spoke in clear English: "You are an asshole." I thought that was nice thinking that it was much preferable to be an asshole than a whole ass. But that's just me.

Do these words offend you?

I saw another bumper sticker that read: "Pray the rosary to end abortion." I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that means. Perhaps you can tell me. If you get the chance. Perhaps the rosary will get up and give us a speech or two, or intercede at the throne of God for us, or whisper into the ears of abortion doctors and nurses. Can a rosary have that much power? God would probably settle for people praying: "God is Great, God is good, let us thank Him for our Food. Amen."

I understand why you hurt, but not why you hate. I understand why you want to heal, but not why you want to heave. I understand why you want to create, but not why you want to kill. I understand why you want to live, but not why you want to lie. You are a paradox, and enigma, a mystery. You confound me with your steely eyes, but your soft side is intriguing.

This is the place where no one can make me fit their molds of their expectations. In this world I am free to be free, free to fly, free to fail, free to flip you the bird. But I won't because I know how I feel when someone flips me the bird. I don't like it one bit.

Do these words offend you?

Is there any reason at all to maintain composure? Is there not a time when it is perfectly acceptable to strip down to the naked skin and dance in the rain? Confessions of a closet nudist. I'll bet that shakes you up a bit. I am fully clothed at the moment because there is no rain, and I don't feel like dancing.

I am waiting for the fall, the orange and yellow leaves. I am waiting to go. I am waiting to die. I am waiting to live. I am waiting to try. I am waiting for the day when my taste buds will awaken to the flavor of broccoli and cauliflower. I don't think it will happen anytime soon because I simply cannot bring myself to cram that funk into my gaping hole. Friday's has good broccoli-cheese soup. I like to dip bread in it.

Is it wrong to be melancholy all the time? Do I really have to love those I don't even know? Is it possible that we are all wrong? Is it possible, just possible, that grace is bigger than even we can imagine? Is it possible that when we eat the bread and drink the cup we are eating the flesh and drinking the blood of Christ? What if we are?

Do these words offend you?

Do these words offend you?

Do these words offend you?

Have you ever wanted to just curse at the top of your lungs? Have you ever hoped that the sadness inside was not really sadness but more like dark yellow mustard? Have you ever had the urge to break something in two and have the magical power to put it back together again so well that no one could tell the difference?

I like to stare out my window in the morning. I write so that I will not sin. I fill my brain all day long and then turn on the faucet at night and wash it all down the drain.

Are you more afraid that someone might hate you or that you might hate someone?

Do these words offend you?

I wish I could heal.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Does God Heal, pt. 3

The story begins rather strangely with a phone call from a man who lives in Georgia. I don't know the man personally. I knew his mother. She was the reason for the call: she was nearing the end, or the beginning, and he was calling to ask about funeral arrangements. Less than a week after our initial conversation he called back. She had died and it was time to finalize the arrangements and make preparations for her interment.

We agreed to a small service at a local funeral home where his mother had already pre-arranged her funeral. There would be no flowers--or at least very few, short calling hours, and merely a graveside service. I would conduct the service, which would be even shorter than my normal funeral services. There would be no music, no 21-Gun salute, no final respects. It would be simple, short and to the point: "I am gone, get on with your lives." Or, "Why are you looking for living in 6 foot deep hole in the ground? I am not here." Finally, after the funeral we would return to the church building for an early lunch consisting of sandwiches, beverages, and fa few other side dishes.

I only knew his mother for about a year and a half before she grew weak and was somewhat forced to move to Georgia to live with her son. She had four sons. One was killed in Vietnam, two live close by, and the third, an adopted son, lives in Georgia. I don't know that any of her sons are necessarily religious although I suspect that she taught them all and expected that they would grow in their faith. Time does funny things to people's faith. I suppose my own family is and will be no different, so please don't interpret what I just wrote as a cheap shot or criticism.

His mother, as a I said, had four sons. One is dead and the other three are still alive. One son, who lives nearby (and anyone who knows me knows who I am talking about), attends worship at a church in Akron called Grace Cathedral. It is at the Grace Cathedral that he, some time ago, 'got his miracle.' He was, if I recall correctly, having heart problems and one day the preacher at that particular church healed him of his heart problems. As I said, repeated his own words, 'he got his miracle.' Since he 'got his miracle' he has moved his family to Akron to be near the congregation and, presumably, the preacher who healed him of his heart problems. I don't know much about him, but I will pause long enough to say this: getting back to his ministry at the church was extremely important to him. So much so that he did not even stay for lunch with the family after the funeral. Everyone sets their own priorities.

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On Thursday of the same week, I hosted a meeting at my church office. For the last several months I have invited ministers from area churches to meet with me for prayer, Bible study and fellowship. This month we gathered and our assigned chapter for the month was Acts 4. Chapter 4 of Acts is the theological justification for the miraculous healing of a man more than 40 years old. The man is described in Acts 3 as a man 'crippled from birth.' After the healing, Peter and John were brought before the 'religious' leaders of the day and questioned at length, not necessarily about the miracle, but about the authority by which they performed the miracle. It was an, almost, condescending statement, "We are the religious leaders. We want to know when we gave you authority to do this? Why do you think you can do this without consulting us first. Why did you bypass our authority in favor of someone else's?" Then Peter very eloquently, in the power of the Spirit, says that Jesus is the power by which the man was healed and it was in his Name that authority was granted to heal. As such, Peter implies, we did not need to consult with anyone; Jesus told us to, and we did.

This past Thursday, I sat around a square table with a group of men who are obviously much more intelligent than I, and debated this very chapter. Most of our thoughts swirled around the prayer that the church prayed near the end of the chapter where they asked God to 'stretch out his hand and heal and perform miraculous signs and wonders through the name of the Holy servant Jesus.' I asked a simple question: "Can the church today legitimately pray this prayer?" That is, does it make sense for the church to pray this prayer? This is sort a roundabout way of asking, "Does God still heal?" We talked and talked and arrived at no, at least for me anyhow, satisfying answers.

One preacher said, "Yes, God does still heal. And we see his miraculous work every time a person comes to salvation in Jesus."

Another said, "Yes and no."

I said, "Yes, he does, but what the first preacher is saying is miraculous is anything but." So we arrived at nowhere and stayed there for a very long time.

Be sure to turn back to this page and read again about this delightful issue. I have a few more things to say on this matter and I will be happy to share them with you over the next several days.

DG

Does God Heal? pt. 2

Friends,

Believe me when I say that I need to write about this. There is a gnawing inside my stomach that is compelling me to spew these thoughts all over the screen. Before I delve into part one allow me to make a disclaimer or two or three.

First, you should know that I am no expert. I do not profess to understand all of the metaphysical or theological arguments that can and sometimes are made in defense of or in opposition to divine healing.

Second, you should know that I do not know that I have ever been personally healed by a so-called faith healer or by an apostle or prophet or by God Himself. I have been sick quite a few times, but usually I have waited it out and that has done the trick.

Third, you should know that I do believe in the God who does miracles. I could not believe in the Bible if I did not believe in miracles since the Bible is full of miracles the most important of which is the resurrection of Jesus. And I am not fully human if that is not true.

Fourth, you should know that I do think it matters what we believe concerning this issue. I think the main reason why it matters is because many preachers have built an entire theological and evangelistic construct around the notion that they have the miraculous gift of healing. I do not personally believe that they do and thus I am inclined to believe that they are deceiving people and preaching an invalidated message.

Now, this is not say that God does not use cracked pots. On the contrary, God will use whatever vessel He needs or desires to use to get His Gospel into people's lives. I am proof of this statement's veracity.

What I am saying is: Ultimately, we are talking, in one way or another, about grace. I have spent the better portion of my 34 years of life testing the boundaries of God's grace. I have not exhausted His grace--yet. He still loves me. And if I am certain of anything in this life I am certain of God's love for me. God's solemn declaration through the pen of Paul is this: Nothing can separate us from the love of God that is found in Christ Jesus.

However, what is the means by which we come in contact with the grace of God? Is it miracles? Is it divine intervention? Is it being healed? Is it 'getting our miracle' as if a miracle were sitting on the shelf at the local grocery store just waiting to be picked up by the curious or needy buyer? I don't think miracles work like that. I don't think God has great warehouses of body parts just waiting to ship down to the highest bidder. Could we possibly trivialize the miraculous God more?

Furthermore, does God use miracles today in the same way He used them then? Then the Scripture clearly states that apostles did miracles as signs or proof from God that their message was valid, authentic, and truth. Does God do this today? Has His methods shifted? Does He use miracles for anything more than blessing a person's life? I have opinions, but very few answers. I do hope to explore some of this with you in the near future.

This is not meant to be a diatribe. It is not meant to breed skepticism. It is not meant to undermine the faith of anyone who has had a subjective experience of God's healing grace. I don't know, which is the final disclaimer, who has and who has not experienced a healing miracle. This is not meant to be a solemn constitution or declaration of agnosticism. This is not meant to be a theological treatise. If anything, it will ask more questions than it answers, and for this I will apologize in advance.

What I mean to do is simply explore some thoughts I had this past week when, in two thoroughly different settings, the subject of the miraculous was broached. In one setting I was able to speak boldly and somewhat confidently about my position. In the other setting I had to tread lightly on broken glass. At the end of one situation, I was applauded by a few who said that I had done well. At the end of the other, I parted company from those I had disagreed with feeling as if a giant rift had been cracked in the plates of Christian faith.

As I reflect back on both situations, I find I am quite discontent with the outcome of both. In neither situation did I find that I felt better when I had spoken to those who asked and those who listened. I suppose that is the way it will always be when we are discussing, quietly or vehemently, our position on what God's Word is saying on a particular subject. Is there only black and white? Is there room for the middle of the road? Are both positions correct? Just exactly what are we to believe when the question of whether or not God heals comes up in conversation? I don't know the answer to that last question. However, I am very much willing to explore what it could be.

So read along and interact with me. This could be fun.

DG

Friday, September 03, 2004

Does God Heal?

Friends,

Later on today or tomorrow, check back for a short exercise in futility. I will not be answering the question, just exploring some inklings that started whispering in my mind yesterday when I was at a minister's meeting. (Those can be so dull!) Anyhow, we talked and talked and arrived at no satisfactory conclusions (satisfactory to my mind) because one of us was on the right, one on the left and one straight down the middle. So later, when time permits, I will be exploring some of these inklings. Someone said yesterday that the greatest miracle that God still performs in our day is the conversion of someone to Christ, the implication being that God still needs to validate the message of the Gospel with accompanying signs and wonders. I will explore this thought too, becasue it seems to me that faith comes by hearing not by miracles and it also seems to me that the changed life is the validation of the Gospel--not a supposed miracle that caused the life to be changed. However, I am not Thomas Jefferson or some other agnostic who disbelieves in miracles and supernatural; I am concerned that I don't mistake the work of magicians as the work of the Spirit. Anyhow, I must educate my children now. Bye.

DG

Like Flowers

I wrote some thoughts the other day about sunflowers. Long before I wrote that, I wrote a short poem that I found the other day on that same wall I mentioned above or below. Enjoy.

Lord,
Teach us like flowers
to lower our heads.
Even though crowned
In glorious splendor,
Which today
brightens gardens
And tomorrow is dead.


Soli Deo Gloria
DG

(With my sincere affection for Alfred, Lord Tennyson.)

Just Wondering

We have a half-room in our house. We were tearing off the old wall paper so we could paint it. I took the occasion to scribble some poems on the paper before it was completely removed. Here is one that I sort of liked.

I wonder what a bird thinks of
The first time he has to fly.
Is he nervous or afraid
or laughing
Because it took so long to try?

I wonder what it is like
The first time He is pushed
from his nest--
The place where he has lived
and eaten;
The place where he enjoyed
his rest?

I wonder what it is like
The first time he is lifted
by a breeze.
Does he turn and smile at
at his mamma?
Does He hope his dad to please?

I wonder what it is like
To feel wind beneath soft wings.
Is it anything like the freedom
and hope
That a life in Jesus brings?

I wonder what it's like
To see life from above the earth;
To know all days from a different view
from the very day of birth?

I wonder what it is like
To soar across the sky?
I wonder what it's like
To be born a creature
who knows from birth
That he was born to fly?

Soli Deo Gloria
DG